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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I have been tagged in some sort of blog-tag game. The game is: I will answer five questions, add three of my own and then tag three other blogging friends.
The questions are:
"If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be an Office Supply Salesman...If I could be a Dog-show judge...If I could be a Coal Miner...If I could be a mobster...If I could be a massage therapist...If I could be a master brewer..."
My answers are:
If I could be a scientist, I would find a way to explain a lot of cool stuff in plain english so that it would be easier for kids to get into it.
If I could be a chef, I would be filthy, stinking rich because I cook good food!
If I could be an astronaut, I would spend a lot of time in space looking at all the wonders that God created for us to discover and enjoy.
If I could be an architect, I would encourage more restoration work than demolition.
If I could be a doctor, I would secretly work for free for people that needed a break and overcharge those that could afford it.
My additions are: "If I could be a Guatamalan worry-doll maker...If I could reinvent the food pyramid...If I could share one thing before I die..."
And I'm going to tag Katy, Ana, and Joe
Posted at 08:54 pm by SalGal
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They're Plotting Against Me
You know, normally I'd say my husband's a pretty stand-up guy. And I guess he still is, except he's been married to me a little too long and I've corrupted the poor soul. He has learned how to lie and keep secrets from me. Never fear, it's nothing sinister. But my 30th birthday is next Saturday, and apparently he has been plotting with my evil, sneaky mother about it.
For instance? She sent him a letter with "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped in red all over it with a return address from her boss. DUH... like I'm stupid enough to believe a man that high up in the church wants to corrospond with my husband by mail. Plus, she writes all his mail anyway so she probably told him what to say and then made it look like it was from him even though it really was from her. AND... they've been having secret phone conversations, too.
I also know that he's not working this Saturday, which is not my birthday but he isn't taking my birthday off so that leads me to believe that he's planned something a week in advance to throw me off. Except I am a super genius and no amount of flim-flamming can throw me off the scent of a secret plot.
I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING AND YOU CAN'T HIDE!!!! You know who you are. Stop hiding under the rocks and come out and face me like a man! That's right Mom and Brian. I'm talking to YOU!
Ten-four, Neighbor
Posted at 10:41 am by SalGal
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Do you know how hard it is to reconcile what I find to be hysterically funny with the fact that my delicate sensibilities (HA) should be offended by the very thing I am laughing at? It's not easy. In fact, it's downright impossible.
The following is a short list of things that are completely inappropriate and yet at the same time, hysterically funny:
- People cursing out of extreme frustration (not at you, of course)
- Certain kinds of potty humor
- When your kids fall down after doing something extremely stupid
- South Park
- Ren & Stimpy
- Beavis & Butthead (notice how the greats come in pairs?)
- Belching or farting at the table (sans company preferably) and then blaming someone else for it or better yet, proudly claiming it by proffering a giant crap-eating grin
Isn't that awful? I know I should be ashamed. But I was reading this lady's blog this morning and she apparently finds release in making fun of her kids potty habits (i.e. skid marks, offering up toilet paper sacrifices to the porcelain god, etc.) and of course she curses throughout the whole thing and I'm sorry but I just couldn't help but laugh out loud! I used to laugh when I was younger and my aunt Carolyn would curse at other drivers. Which of course just egged her on, so she'd do it even more to get me really going.
Does anyone remember the "Washing the Dog" episode of Beavis & Butthead? I can't help but sing it in my head every time I go past the laundry room.
I suppose it's just one of life's guilty pleasures. I mean, it's not like I'm smoking or binge drinking. Plus, I get the feeling that if I did drink alcohol I would not be a funny drunk. Do you see what I mean about not being able to reconcile my shoulder angel and my shoulder devil? One wants to "lead me down the path of righteousness, the other one wants to lead me down the path that rocks!"
Ok now that you all know what a heathen I really am, I'd better go do something domestic like baking bread to make up for it.
Let 'er rip, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:25 am by SalGal
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Monday, May 16, 2005
I've been struggling for a topic to write on for the past few days. Even now, nothing has come to mind. However, my good friend Joe directed me towards a FABULOUS blog entry today, and I encourage all my 'net Neighbors to check out the May 15th entry titled: "Has Feminism Killed Femininity?".
I think my subject for today says it all.
'Nuff said, Neighbor!
Posted at 04:17 pm by SalGal
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Friday, May 13, 2005
I see on my calendar that it's Friday the thirteenth today. I guess somebody forgot to tell the nutjobs of the world because I haven't heard of anything absurd happening today. In fact, it's been amazingly quiet in the news. Of course, that could be because I am no longer allowed to listen to what I want to when we get in the van.
What's up with that, Mom? You always told me that when I'm the driver I get to listen to what I want. Now that the 2 year-old has discovered his vocabulary, he sets forth his musical demands on the way to the car. "Wok-woll mam, wok-woll!" This means he wants to hear the Beach Boys, which my other two consider rock n' roll. Or "heart, mom, heart!" which means "Just For You" from Lionel Ritchie's newest CD.
I also get requests for the Home on the Range soundtrack, except I lost it the other day. It seems that there is some magnetic force that draws my children, well the younger two anyway, to the CD player on their way out of the car. So the baby grabbed the soundtrack out of the player and handed it to me. I set it atop the van so I could get him out of the car, and when I went to get it and toss it back in the van, a tiny tiny gust of wind blew and the CD was gone! Nowhere to be found. Not on the top, not on the hood, not by the wipers, not on the ground in the surrounding area, not under the van... just gone! Rude, huh? It must've landed in the dryer that eats all my socks...
I don't want anybody to be alarmed, but I'm done blabbing for today. I figured that since there's only 34 minutes of today left, that'd be okay. I've been ready to go to bed ever since 8:30, but there was that whole Elvis by the Presleys thing and the season finale of NUMB3RS I had to see... (it's funny, my honey won't watch NCIS or CSI but he likes NUMB3RS, go figure!) so we kind of watch that together on Friday nights. Or at least, we used to anyway.
Ok, here I go.
Nighty-night, Neighbor!
Posted at 11:28 pm by SalGal
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Can You Yodel-adel-eedle-idle-oo?
My kids are obsessed with "Home on the Range". My two year-old can now yodel! The songs won't leave my head, I think I may have to move to the Alps.
So, can you yodel? I can yodel along, but not originate it. What I can do is turn my toes behind my knees. Picture first position only with your heels forming the top point of an upside-down "v" and your toes forming the left and right bottom points of a triangle. Pretty gross, huh? I can also bend my thumbs down to my wrist and invert the middle knuckle of my fingers. The best part? None of it hurts! Except for that one time that I tripped on the carpet I was standing on when I was doing the backwards knee thing and my leg made a sound like thousand-year-old tupperware opening. That sucked.
A friend and I were talking about uniqueness today... think that trick helps me fall into that category?
Speaking of said friend... How many of you paid attention in your history class? And how many of you think that the story behind "National Treasure" is true? Who thinks the Mafia killed JFK? (You didn't know there was a pop quiz today, did you? Sorry about the short notice.) Raise your hand if you think aliens helped the Egyptians build the pyramids. Was Hoover a transvestite? Was Lincoln a homosexual? Were there WMD in Iraq? Don't you think Saddam was going to try and take us out regardless? bin Laden already tried, why not? Look, I'm not book-smart enough to get into why I'm asking all of this, I just want to make sure that you know that movies are fake, even when "based on a true story" (that's why the word based is used, because it's not completely true). If you don't, come see me. We'll chat.
Afternoon, Neighbor!
Posted at 02:31 pm by SalGal
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Although I am surprised, I am not disappointed that Rob & Amber did not, that's right, did not win the Amazing Race. I think they played the best, they may have seemed rude and cold at times, but let's remember folks that this is a GAME. It's also another reminder that you should speak at least one other language if you want to win a million dollars on this show.
Congrats to Joyce & Uchenna, I am especially proud that they did not ditch their cabdriver!
Good Night, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:06 pm by SalGal
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P.S. My Mother Is Not A Drug Addict
I am here today to tell the masses of people who read my blog (HA!) that my mother is not a drug addict. I assumed that we'd all infer that if she's taking sleeping pills, she's got some sleep issues. And my family is actually very smart. Intellectually speaking, of course. Relationship wise..... eh. 'Nuff said 'cos you all know what I'm talking about. Nobody else is good at it either!
What we have on the agenda today is:
A lot of procrastinating, some housework, some more procrastinating, maybe a few phone calls, a visit to the park, dinner, and the season finale of "The Amazing Race" (GO ROB & AMBER!!!) with my two sons who never go to bed on time, 7:00 p.m., anyway. I would like to add that I am SO FREAKIN' GLAD that Meredith & Gretchen lost last week. I do not think I could go on for much longer listening to her voice. My good gosh darn golly, she is more annoying than my kids on a bad day! Two snaps up for them getting as far as they did, being old farts and all (Hi, Mom). I'm really really really hoping that Ron & Kelly don't win. They both tick me off, mostly her, and though I am grateful for his service in Iraq, I still don't want them to win because she is such a shrew in sheep's clothing. I'd be okay if Joyce & Uchenna win, but they won't. Rob & Amber are going to kick ash and take 'em all out in one fell swoop!
I have wonderful news for myself. I have such a large stack of things to read that I can no longer waste time watching television! After all the season finales, of course. I have three HUGE novels that I need to finish by the 23rd, plus four magazines that I have to finish before the new weekly news magazines get here, which could be any day now. I guess I know what I'm reading today! For those of you who are wondering what is currently in my stack, here ya go:
The DaVinci Code (yes, again)
Conviction The Innocent
Sunset
NEA Today
Woman's Day
Family Circle
Plus, I'll be getting Time, Newsweek, and US News & World Report sometime between now and Thursday. I'm still waiting for my Organic Style and Shape May issues.
Well, I'm done with my procrastinating for the morning. Time for that housework!
GO ROB & AMBER!!!, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:12 am by SalGal
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Monday, May 09, 2005
So Happy Mother's Day out there to all you moms and wish you were moms and glad you're not moms and anybody else that falls inbetween the cracks there.
Being a Mom, or Mother Figure, is such an awesome title! I have an uncle who's more than a bit of a liberal, loves to manage money, and his children are professional students. At a breakfast we had before my sister was married (at the time I was newly pregnant with my Ben) he made some smartaleck comment about what important was I going to do with my life. I don't remember his exact comment or my exact reply, but I zinged him right back to let him know that being a mom is more than not "working" or going to school.
Also, Happy Stinko de Mayo! You must be thinking, "Wait, doesn't she mean CINCO de Mayo???". No, I mean STINKO de Mayo! This is an original holiday in my family. Since we are not of Mexican decent (but probably could be given our love of and the quantity of Mexican food we consume) we celebrate Stinko de Mayo every year on, you guessed it: May 5th. Our main form of celebration is calling eachother at ungodly hours of the night, or morning, and screaming loud and obnoxious Speedy Gonzalez-type things at the top of our lungs. This is especially fun if you are the first person to make the call. Smart people either do not answer the phone on this day, or hold the reciever away from their ear until after the celebration has ceased. There are not too many smart people in my family. I would like to state for the record that I could have and should have been first this year. I was up reading at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday, May 5th. I was going to call my mother, because that's the best person to annoy and my brother-in-law would have killed me if I called there at that hour, but she takes sleeping pills. Sleeping pills that were you not aware she was taking them, you would swear she was having a stroke she gets so loopy. So, being the smart woman that I am, I knew better than to call at 2:00 a.m. because she would not remember. I know this because I called her on April Fool's with the Stinko de Mayo scream and the very next day she had NO RECOLLECTION WHATSOEVER of the preceeding night's call. So, being a member of my family and therefore fairly non-intelligent on this particular day of the year, I answered the phone and held it to my ear like a normal person when it rang at 7:30 a.m. on May 5. She got me. Stupid cow.
Well now it's Monday, and I've been to my little Mormon weight-watching group. I dreaded getting on the scale because I just knew that since we hadn't been able to meet last Monday, I'd probably have gained 5 lbs. WRONG-O!!! I lost 2.4!!! I celebrated with a diet Pepsi which will now keep me awake all night. Thank you... thank you... no applause, just throw money.... Thank you....
I am so freakin' proud of myself!! I knew I was half-heartedly trying to make better choices, and it worked! Actually, I think what helped me a lot is I've taken up chewing gum. Lots of it. Wrigley's Doublemint. I think that's what it is... it's the green package. So my goal this week is to know when to stop. To not eat until I'm stuffed, but just right before that. And I've also decided that this going to bed early so I can get up early and excercise business is just not working. I still want to keep that up, but I'm going to be working out after I've taken the kids to school. It's just been sooooooo hard to get up these days, and I'm too darn tired at night. So I'm thinking the 10 o'clock hour is going to work just fine for me.
Ok, naptime! For the baby, anyway. I've given up napping if you can believe that. Ok, not completely given up, I still give in 2-3 times a week. But at least it's not every day anymore!
See you around, Neighbor!
Posted at 12:13 pm by SalGal
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Friday, May 06, 2005
Ugh, now that I've used that title I'm going to have that stupid song in my head with a mental image of my grandma trying to relive her youth by performing it with little hand gestures for me.
I've decided I've been a bit on the negative side of things lately. Which is easy to be, there's a lot to complain about. But I thought you'd like to know that I generally am a positive person, I just usually keep it to myself.
So for today, I am making a list of things that I am grateful for, in no particular order. This list will be compiled in paragraph form so as not to appear like a grocery shopping list.
Today, I am grateful that I am alive. There are a lot of people that aren't, and although I'm sure they're enjoying where they are (or maybe not!) I'm pretty happy here right now and would not like to be dead yet.
I'm grateful that all my body parts work and that I have no major illness that I must learn to live with. Yes, I do have mental issues, but they could be worse! I'm grateful for the five senses that make life so enjoyable.
I'm grateful that God created women and men in their prescribed roles. Just because a woman is capable of doing the same things as a man, doesn't mean she should. And vice versa. We are inherently different from eachother and different doesn't equal "bad" or "better", it's just different.
I'm grateful for Jesus Christ. I'm pretty screwed up as it is and if it weren't for him atoning for my sins, well, I'd be one of those people that are not enjoying being dead.
I'm grateful to live in this country, and for the men and women that lead and protect it. I'm grateful for Governor Schwarzenegger. He's not doing the job as well as I'd have hoped that he would, but I still believe he is trying to make a change for the better for the people of California. I'm grateful for President Bush. Being the leader of a country is no small task, especially a country like ours. I'm grateful that he is a religious person and uses his faith in leading this country.
I'm grateful for people who work at jobs that I don't want to so that I don't have to. I'm grateful that there are people who are smarter than me.
I'm grateful for my husband that supports our family so I can stay home with our children. I'm grateful for my mom and the sacrifices she made raising me and my brother and sister. I'm grateful for my sister and how good of friends we've become as we've gotten older. I'm grateful for my brother and his sense of humor.
I'm grateful for disposable diapers! And room fresheners. I'm grateful for tampons and toilet paper and deoderant. I'm grateful for being alive at this time, because I would have been a really bad pioneer or colonist!
Ok, I have to be done being grateful for now. I get to go to Ben's school today for a Mother's Day Tea. WOO. What I want to know is, how come it's ok to celebrate Mother's Day in school, but you can't celebrate Halloween or Valentine's Day? Let me know if you have the answer to this.
Oh yes, I'm grateful for holidays.
TGIF, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:18 am by SalGal
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 SalGalUnited States Hi, it's me. Ok, well this is the part that's about me. I was born in California, moved to Utah, lived there my whole life, got married and moved right on back to CA. There's no snow here, you know. Not where I am, anyway. If you deduced that I'm LDS because I grew up in Utah, you're correct. No, I didn't move because it was stifling, I moved because of the snow. Can't you read? Anyhow, I have a perfect husband, three engergizer bunnies, I mean sons, and live in an apartment somewhere near where George Lucas grew up. The beach keeps calling my name, but the gas pump is too loud for me to hear it, so if anyone knows anyone who can get a couple of new refineries built, let me know. I'm all for taking care of the earth and everything, but, c'mon... when are they going to make a minivan or SUV hybrid that you can afford on one measly teacher's salary? Exactly.
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