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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
I'm sure I've lamented before that the tomato plants I ordered died. The red currant, the white currant, the burbank slicing and mortgage lifter? Yeah, they died. Replacements died too, so I finally just asked for my money back. I didn't want my money, I wanted those darn tomatoes! Especially the current-sized ones. Don't they just sound fabulously bite-sized?
I was weeding my little garden recently. I happened to notice a little shoot sticking up out of the ground near where the burbank slicing tomato died. I decided not to pluck it on the off chance that it was a tomato plant instead of a weed. Well, after my famous weekend getaway I came back to find that indeed, it is a tomato shoot! Of course, now I'm wondering if it's some freakish off-shoot of the burbank slicer that died or if it's from a seed from one of last year's plants. As the season was coming to an end (I thought!) last year, I stopped picking the tomatoes. They didn't taste very good to begin with and I was sure that these hangers-on were going to be even worse. So I tried to kill the vine by not watering it, but it insisted on plugging along. Some of the cherry tomatoes ended up smooshed in the dirt, so now I'm wondering if this could also be an explanation of the mystery miracle tomato? I guess we'll find out!
Green thumbing, Neighbor!
Posted at 09:02 am by SalGal
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Monday, May 23, 2005
How Do I Get Rid of This?
I've had so many "DUH" moments over the last few days that I've begun to wonder if it's stamped on my forehead. Does anyone have any idea how to get rid of that?
Here are the juicy details of what happened on Friday:
I woke up at the ungodly hour of 3:00 a.m. I think to myself, this is not going to be one of those times I can force myself back to sleep until a more reasonable hour, so I decide to work on whittling down my reading pile. I can always go back to bed at 5:00 and wake up again at 7:30 like usual, right?
WRONG-O.
Thursday night I came in to play a little spider solitaire before bed and check the mail. My honey tells me to come to bed because he's worried I'll stay up too late. This is not unusual for him to say, so I finish up and go to sleep. He also tells me to make sure he gets up right at 4:00 because he has a lot to do the next morning, which is also not unusual for him. What was unusual was that he hopped into the shower right away. Normally he goes out to the living room and falls back asleep before he wakes up too late to get any real work done, and then showers around 7:30. I start thinking, maybe he meant business and needed the shower to help him be conscious. So I'm reading, I'm reading, he's dressing, I'm reading and then he tells me he needs help packing. Pulls out his usual travel bag and asks me for help on what to pack for me. It is at this point I start to become weirded out, verging on kicking into high-gear anxiety. I help him pick out a few things, he tells me the kids are taken care of and he's already taken care of so it's just me that needs to get ready because we have to leave at 6:00 a.m. I remind him that this is Friday, not Saturday like I've been expecting for something to happen, and he says he knows. So I pack. And I start freaking out that his mom is the one taking care of the boys because there's no one in the universe here that we could ask to take care of the boys at 6:00 a.m. and the house is pretty messy and we reaaaaally need to change our sheets.
The boys are gently woken at 5:15 and we have pancakes for breakfast. Then we get ready to pile in the car, and at this point I'm getting pretty excited because when I was little my parents would wake us in the night to drive to DisneyLand or Knott's Berry Farm. I've told Brian I've always wanted to do this, and it appears this is it!!! Wrong, again.
We get in the car and head towards the freeway and he goes.... NORTH. That is NOT the direction to DisneyLand. I begin to wonder if we're headed to Utah for an extremely short weekend because my niece Caely has a dance recital on Friday night. Nope, he starts heading west on Highway 4. When we start going north on I-5, I realize we're going to the airport so I start to come up with different scenarios, NONE of which turned out to be true. First I thought, "Oh crap, we are picking up his mom and our house is a mess and she's going to clean it and thing crappy things about me (she never would)". Then I realize we have no extra seats in our van to transport another person so I think, "Okayyyy.... maybe we're picking up my mom and she has a rental car and it's going to be her and me going to Sunset Celebration Weekend like I wanted to in the first place. Nope. It's not that either. I know this because when we pull into the parking spot and turn off the van the kids start asking "Where are we going? Are we picking somebody up!?!" and dad says, "No, we're sending mommy home for a few days."
WHAT???
That's right. The evil mom and wicked sister conspired with my corrupted liarpants husband to bring me out to Salt Lake for the weekend for a "Girl's Weekend". I was so surprised I didn't know what to do! It just all felt so weird! Good thing I brought that xanax along in my purse.
So I flew to Salt Lake City, had a fantabulous time with my family who are the biggest liars in the universe, and that's not even all!
On Saturday we went shopping. Got some stuff to do my hair, got some books, had the best lunch in the entire universe (the shredded pork barbacoa salad at Cafe Rio), and then we had to get back so we could get my hair done before we went to see the new house that my sister's family is buying. This is one fabulous house! Lunch was so good and so filling, I tell mom that there's no need to go out to dinner that night after we see the house, I've got plenty of food left for dinner. Emily says something about bbq-ing burgers anyway. As we're driving to see this house, Emily says to mom something about going to Sam Can for dinner. I try to figure out what kind of place this is because I've never heard of it and they say it's the best chinese ever, and I realize they're talking about Sampan this chinese place out in Jordan Landing or Sugarhouse. I'm not particularly in the mood for chinese, and especially not to go to either of those locations so I try to think of somewhere else to go. Then my sister says in the most pathetic way possible that she really really wants to go to Sampan, and there happens to be a location at the mall by her house, so I give in.
I am the biggest sucker in the universe! As we walk in and start looking for my brother-in-law, Chris, I notice that he's at this very long table that has several of my friends sitting at it! Yep, I must have DUH stamped right on my forehead because that is the only way to explain what I thought when I realized that all these little comments had led up to this surprise birthday dinner.
I feel like I've written a novel now and there's still so much to say about what a great time I had. Oh, well. If we're friends, you'll hear about it at some point, if you're family you probably experienced it! Thanks again Mom & Emily for making my 30th birthday such a special time for me. I really enjoyed all the things we did and I appreciate all the effort that you put into making sure I had a great time.
Think globally, act locally, Neighbor!
Posted at 02:45 pm by SalGal
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Friday, May 20, 2005
Where's the xanax when I need it???
Ok, I'm freaking out. I mean, REALLY freaking out!! I woke up at 3:30 this morning and decided to whittle down the reading list. Being the good wife that I am, I kicked my husband out of bed at 4:00 when the alarm went off like he asked. What happened next was a little odd, but not really. He took a shower. You're thinking, that's not odd, right? But it is... he usually doesn't get in the shower until 7:30. I decided he must really have some serious work to do if he's showering first thing. Then, it gets even weirder... he tells me he needs some help packing. For me. !!! I remind him that today is Friday, not Saturday, and he knows this.
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!?!
I say that in a good way, but in a way that I am now just on the verge of having a panick attack but can't take the meds to calm me down because they make me sleepy and I've gathered that I should be awake for awhile.
I'll fill you in on the rest of the mystery later. If I come back!
Roger, roger, Neighbor
Posted at 06:06 am by SalGal
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I have been tagged in some sort of blog-tag game. The game is: I will answer five questions, add three of my own and then tag three other blogging friends.
The questions are:
"If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be an Office Supply Salesman...If I could be a Dog-show judge...If I could be a Coal Miner...If I could be a mobster...If I could be a massage therapist...If I could be a master brewer..."
My answers are:
If I could be a scientist, I would find a way to explain a lot of cool stuff in plain english so that it would be easier for kids to get into it.
If I could be a chef, I would be filthy, stinking rich because I cook good food!
If I could be an astronaut, I would spend a lot of time in space looking at all the wonders that God created for us to discover and enjoy.
If I could be an architect, I would encourage more restoration work than demolition.
If I could be a doctor, I would secretly work for free for people that needed a break and overcharge those that could afford it.
My additions are: "If I could be a Guatamalan worry-doll maker...If I could reinvent the food pyramid...If I could share one thing before I die..."
And I'm going to tag Katy, Ana, and Joe
Posted at 08:54 pm by SalGal
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They're Plotting Against Me
You know, normally I'd say my husband's a pretty stand-up guy. And I guess he still is, except he's been married to me a little too long and I've corrupted the poor soul. He has learned how to lie and keep secrets from me. Never fear, it's nothing sinister. But my 30th birthday is next Saturday, and apparently he has been plotting with my evil, sneaky mother about it.
For instance? She sent him a letter with "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped in red all over it with a return address from her boss. DUH... like I'm stupid enough to believe a man that high up in the church wants to corrospond with my husband by mail. Plus, she writes all his mail anyway so she probably told him what to say and then made it look like it was from him even though it really was from her. AND... they've been having secret phone conversations, too.
I also know that he's not working this Saturday, which is not my birthday but he isn't taking my birthday off so that leads me to believe that he's planned something a week in advance to throw me off. Except I am a super genius and no amount of flim-flamming can throw me off the scent of a secret plot.
I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING AND YOU CAN'T HIDE!!!! You know who you are. Stop hiding under the rocks and come out and face me like a man! That's right Mom and Brian. I'm talking to YOU!
Ten-four, Neighbor
Posted at 10:41 am by SalGal
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Do you know how hard it is to reconcile what I find to be hysterically funny with the fact that my delicate sensibilities (HA) should be offended by the very thing I am laughing at? It's not easy. In fact, it's downright impossible.
The following is a short list of things that are completely inappropriate and yet at the same time, hysterically funny:
- People cursing out of extreme frustration (not at you, of course)
- Certain kinds of potty humor
- When your kids fall down after doing something extremely stupid
- South Park
- Ren & Stimpy
- Beavis & Butthead (notice how the greats come in pairs?)
- Belching or farting at the table (sans company preferably) and then blaming someone else for it or better yet, proudly claiming it by proffering a giant crap-eating grin
Isn't that awful? I know I should be ashamed. But I was reading this lady's blog this morning and she apparently finds release in making fun of her kids potty habits (i.e. skid marks, offering up toilet paper sacrifices to the porcelain god, etc.) and of course she curses throughout the whole thing and I'm sorry but I just couldn't help but laugh out loud! I used to laugh when I was younger and my aunt Carolyn would curse at other drivers. Which of course just egged her on, so she'd do it even more to get me really going.
Does anyone remember the "Washing the Dog" episode of Beavis & Butthead? I can't help but sing it in my head every time I go past the laundry room.
I suppose it's just one of life's guilty pleasures. I mean, it's not like I'm smoking or binge drinking. Plus, I get the feeling that if I did drink alcohol I would not be a funny drunk. Do you see what I mean about not being able to reconcile my shoulder angel and my shoulder devil? One wants to "lead me down the path of righteousness, the other one wants to lead me down the path that rocks!"
Ok now that you all know what a heathen I really am, I'd better go do something domestic like baking bread to make up for it.
Let 'er rip, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:25 am by SalGal
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Monday, May 16, 2005
I've been struggling for a topic to write on for the past few days. Even now, nothing has come to mind. However, my good friend Joe directed me towards a FABULOUS blog entry today, and I encourage all my 'net Neighbors to check out the May 15th entry titled: "Has Feminism Killed Femininity?".
I think my subject for today says it all.
'Nuff said, Neighbor!
Posted at 04:17 pm by SalGal
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Friday, May 13, 2005
I see on my calendar that it's Friday the thirteenth today. I guess somebody forgot to tell the nutjobs of the world because I haven't heard of anything absurd happening today. In fact, it's been amazingly quiet in the news. Of course, that could be because I am no longer allowed to listen to what I want to when we get in the van.
What's up with that, Mom? You always told me that when I'm the driver I get to listen to what I want. Now that the 2 year-old has discovered his vocabulary, he sets forth his musical demands on the way to the car. "Wok-woll mam, wok-woll!" This means he wants to hear the Beach Boys, which my other two consider rock n' roll. Or "heart, mom, heart!" which means "Just For You" from Lionel Ritchie's newest CD.
I also get requests for the Home on the Range soundtrack, except I lost it the other day. It seems that there is some magnetic force that draws my children, well the younger two anyway, to the CD player on their way out of the car. So the baby grabbed the soundtrack out of the player and handed it to me. I set it atop the van so I could get him out of the car, and when I went to get it and toss it back in the van, a tiny tiny gust of wind blew and the CD was gone! Nowhere to be found. Not on the top, not on the hood, not by the wipers, not on the ground in the surrounding area, not under the van... just gone! Rude, huh? It must've landed in the dryer that eats all my socks...
I don't want anybody to be alarmed, but I'm done blabbing for today. I figured that since there's only 34 minutes of today left, that'd be okay. I've been ready to go to bed ever since 8:30, but there was that whole Elvis by the Presleys thing and the season finale of NUMB3RS I had to see... (it's funny, my honey won't watch NCIS or CSI but he likes NUMB3RS, go figure!) so we kind of watch that together on Friday nights. Or at least, we used to anyway.
Ok, here I go.
Nighty-night, Neighbor!
Posted at 11:28 pm by SalGal
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Can You Yodel-adel-eedle-idle-oo?
My kids are obsessed with "Home on the Range". My two year-old can now yodel! The songs won't leave my head, I think I may have to move to the Alps.
So, can you yodel? I can yodel along, but not originate it. What I can do is turn my toes behind my knees. Picture first position only with your heels forming the top point of an upside-down "v" and your toes forming the left and right bottom points of a triangle. Pretty gross, huh? I can also bend my thumbs down to my wrist and invert the middle knuckle of my fingers. The best part? None of it hurts! Except for that one time that I tripped on the carpet I was standing on when I was doing the backwards knee thing and my leg made a sound like thousand-year-old tupperware opening. That sucked.
A friend and I were talking about uniqueness today... think that trick helps me fall into that category?
Speaking of said friend... How many of you paid attention in your history class? And how many of you think that the story behind "National Treasure" is true? Who thinks the Mafia killed JFK? (You didn't know there was a pop quiz today, did you? Sorry about the short notice.) Raise your hand if you think aliens helped the Egyptians build the pyramids. Was Hoover a transvestite? Was Lincoln a homosexual? Were there WMD in Iraq? Don't you think Saddam was going to try and take us out regardless? bin Laden already tried, why not? Look, I'm not book-smart enough to get into why I'm asking all of this, I just want to make sure that you know that movies are fake, even when "based on a true story" (that's why the word based is used, because it's not completely true). If you don't, come see me. We'll chat.
Afternoon, Neighbor!
Posted at 02:31 pm by SalGal
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Although I am surprised, I am not disappointed that Rob & Amber did not, that's right, did not win the Amazing Race. I think they played the best, they may have seemed rude and cold at times, but let's remember folks that this is a GAME. It's also another reminder that you should speak at least one other language if you want to win a million dollars on this show.
Congrats to Joyce & Uchenna, I am especially proud that they did not ditch their cabdriver!
Good Night, Neighbor!
Posted at 10:06 pm by SalGal
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 SalGalUnited States Hi, it's me. Ok, well this is the part that's about me. I was born in California, moved to Utah, lived there my whole life, got married and moved right on back to CA. There's no snow here, you know. Not where I am, anyway. If you deduced that I'm LDS because I grew up in Utah, you're correct. No, I didn't move because it was stifling, I moved because of the snow. Can't you read? Anyhow, I have a perfect husband, three engergizer bunnies, I mean sons, and live in an apartment somewhere near where George Lucas grew up. The beach keeps calling my name, but the gas pump is too loud for me to hear it, so if anyone knows anyone who can get a couple of new refineries built, let me know. I'm all for taking care of the earth and everything, but, c'mon... when are they going to make a minivan or SUV hybrid that you can afford on one measly teacher's salary? Exactly.
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